i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
