K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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