Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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