they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
