she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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