You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
