With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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