yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
