I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
