Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
