So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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