so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
