I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
