Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
