It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
