thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
please don't ironically join a cult
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