She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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