No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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