My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
