what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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