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• (281): View more from Texas

  How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend

  (936): View more from Texas

  Get a boyfriend

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• (516): View more from New York

  I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.

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• (954): View more from Florida

  It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments

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  21 Sketchy Drug Deals That Are Scary AF

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• (778): View more from British Columbia

  You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it

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• (708): View more from Illinois

  I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.

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  17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  "Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?

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• (347): View more from New York

  All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever

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• (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"

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