I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.