Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"