just tell him i said nine months
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Just took my morning after pill in the library
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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