I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is