in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize
