Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
