I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
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So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
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It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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