piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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