Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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