oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
