So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Girls should come with a carfax report
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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