Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
