i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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