a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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