I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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