Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Randomize
