This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
