I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
