Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
