i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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