She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
