U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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