did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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