Soap is not a condiment
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
