It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
