Don't make out with my wife yet
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
