i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
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I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
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Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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