you have to choose: penises or morals?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
