so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
