Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
