So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
