I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
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