Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
