The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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