I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
