I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
