Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
