I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm gonna fight the coyote
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
