Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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