Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
My vagina just clenched in fear
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
