You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
i out mim tonsoeep
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
