Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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