in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
