Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
