I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
