I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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