sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I got inside last night via doggy door
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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