my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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