I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
