Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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