Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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