It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
