I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
