So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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