it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize